I can’t be the only person who is becoming bored to death with Idol this year.

Last week, thanks to their “inspirational songs” theme, I was inspired to actually try to fall asleep as I watched (seriously).   Now that Michael is gone, I don’t think I have anyone left to root for.  Sure Carly is still there, but she’s not even that exciting.

I still don’t get the David Cook thing.   It’s getting to the point where I think people are telling me they like him just to annoy me, or else I’ve been transported into an alternate universe or something.

The “high point” this week was what… Little David Archuletta awkwardly standing on stage in a ridiculous graphic-tee and (p)leather pants combo that was obviously forced on him by his overbearing stage-dad.  Whee.

This season had so much potential with all the flaming queens, and it’s completely fizzled. 

I do think Semencrust is developing a coke habit, the way he’s always running around the studio now and jumping all over the place.    Or maybe he’s sipping on Paula’s “soda” cup; you know they put a fistful of uppers into that thing to keep her conscious thru the broadcast.

There was an obese woman using one of the treadmills near me at the gym.

She was watching a cooking show, of all things, as she struggled to keep going on the machine.  I couldn’t decide if it was a smart move, perhaps something she found very enjoyable and therefore taking her mind off of her exercise, or if this woman was just a huge glutton for punishment.

Then I saw it was Rachael Ray.
Defintely the latter.

I know Madge has always done whatever she can to look good, but she has gone too far in her latest video by including that fuck-nut Timbaland and way too tight of a shot of his crunked grill. 

I politely looked the other way when her British accent developed, but I draw the line at such an overt endorsement of English dental hygiene. 

1. It’s sad that Seacrest’s shoe fetish has forced most of the girls to perform shoeless now.   But it seems his perversion is evolving, as evidenced by him gushing over the french pedi sported by that annoying Oregon wanna-be cowgirl who rearranges every song she does into some sort of Grand Old Opry knock-off that you’d hear somewhere in an Ozarks tourist trap.

2. It’s awesome that they finally forced David Cook to admit that his “brilliant arrangements” have all been direct copycats of existing cover versions.   My burning rage for this Thing of a contestant and my bf’s inexplicable love of It is causing me to start doubting our future.   I could say more, but I’ll hold my tongue since it appears he was rushed to the hospital after last night’s show for some sort of heart problem. (Cook, not the bf).

 3. Michael Johns + Dolly Parton = <3 <3 <3

Last night the roomie and I went to see the “first ever screening, anywhere” (so they said) of the new Mamma Mia! movie, thanks to a solicitiation from movietickets.com.    I’m not really sure how movietickets knew that I was either a gay man or a middle aged woman, since that appeared to be the only two types of people they invited.

Having never seen the musical I didn’t know what to expect, other than a bunch of ABBA music and Meryl Streep.   It was actually very entertaining and pretty funny for the most part, Christine Baranski especially.

But then there was Pierce Brosnan.  I suppose it’s admirable that they didn’t dub his singing with someone else’s voice (at least not yet, it’s still in post), but my god he was terrible.  Every time he opened his mouth, you could feel the entire audience cringe.  Other than him though, it was great.

One of the market research chicks came up to us before the show to ask us what we thought about each of the stars and why, and when I would only say “I liked Remington Steele” to her Brosnan query, she gave me a total blank stare.   Anyone with such limited knowledge of 80’s television dramedy has no buisness in the buisness.

A recap of last night’s discussion with a random flamer neighbor down by the hot tub: 

Apparently Brad and I are the only two gays on the entire planet who are stupid enough to support Obama.   Really, we must hate not only ourselves, but everyone else in the country.  What can we possibly be thinking?!?!  He (the flaming queen) has NEVER met a single.other.gay. who does not bow to Hillary’s feet.

Then this brainiac finished schooling us by admitting that he just doesn’t want a black man to be President.   Well, that’s not the only reason - also because then Oprah would be the one really running the country.  Nothing against Oprah for being a woman though - that’s why we should support Hillary.  We are one with her, because women and gay men are the same.    Oh, and also Obama called Britney stupid, and that’s plain ol’ political suicide because EVERYONE loves Britney.  How dare he!

He was serious, and the above is pretty much verbatim.

He’s not racist though; he has two black friends. 

Last night Brad and I went to see Leslie Hall at the Casbah.  She was, of course, brilliant as ever.  The opening acts were pretty fun too, including “Microphone Mike” who is a sort of Ali-G type local rapper.  Over the top and hilarious.

Unfortunately my gem sweater hunt was fruitless, but there were quite a few bedazzled people in the crowd, along with some gold-pants-wearing ladies.  We spoke to a couple of them who had driven two hours into town just to see her.   It’s a riot seeing how into the act people get.   I just settled on my Zombie Killer t-shirt.

Brad hadn’t seen her perform before and became an instant fan.    We chatted with Leslie for a bit after the show and she surprisingly remembered me from the last time she was in town.   Our Iowa talk naturally shifted to RAGBRAI, and she’s hoping to try to get her Mobile Sweater Museum somewhere along the route near Ames.  I would die if I got to see that thing.  It turned out that one of her backup “Ly’s” mom’s has a tshirt tent at RAGBRAI every year too.

Here is a video from the Gem Sweater Ceremony that I recorded, and a there are few pix after the jump (the full set of pictures on Flickr).

Read the rest…

Leslie Hall is in town tomorrow, so like a good li’l Junior Gem I did a little hunting this weekend for a gem sweater to wear to the show. 

Unforturnately, there seems to be a shortage of them around town.  I did find one with some exquisite gemmage, but it was maybe a tad too small.

 
I think I only have like 3 readers anymore, so I doubt anyone cares, but there won’t be an official Idol recap post this week, sorry.   I’ve had an overly busy week between work and it being Brad’s birthday today.  

One comment that does need to be made about last week - on the very first girls’ night, Seacrest was drooling over not one, but TWO contestant’s shoes.  I don’t know if he is indeed a big tranny, or if he just really really wants footwear that will make him tall enough to go on Mr Toad’s Wild Ride the next time he’s on a PR-arranged date with Teri Hatcher at Disneyland.

 Here’s a few Idol-related blurbs from this week:

• There is babble on the internets that Jason Yeager knocked up baby mama when she was only 14, and he was 18.   Let that be a lesson to all closet cases… it still only takes once, even if you do close your eyes and try to pretend that she’s Aaron Carter as you do her from behind.
• TMZ “reports” (yeah, I use that word loosely) that “Rocker” Robbie’s hair is in fact, a wig.   I’m sure this shocked about…. zero viewers.   He’ll probably have “gotten a haircut” by next week.
• TMZ also has Amanda Overmyer’s mugshot from her DUI in 2006.
• The rainbow shines a little brighter:  VoteForTheWorst.com has info about David Hernandez’s past working as a gay stripper in Phoenix. 

Here we are again.  Paula’s on some new shit, probably smoking the salvia with all of her teenage friends.  Now she professes that she can actually HEAR colors.   Lucky for her, there’s an entire rainbow of them this time around.   In a last-ditch effort to make Seacrest look butch, this season the producers have assembled the queeniest batch of karaoke stars on the west coast.  And that’s saying a lot. 

Gaying it up even more, Paula arrived in one of her spare figure skating costumes.

Performing live on the transporter platform of Deep Space Nine, we have the 12 male finalists.  Paula’s already in outer space, why shouldn’t the set be too?

Yes, Chikezie is performing in an oversize orange suit.
Yes, his name IS Chikezie.
And because the judges can’t allow these people to be left to their own devices to embarrass themselves, Paula made sure to ask Chikezie, “… and you used to be really fat, right?”

It turned out that Chikezie’s leisure suit and David Hernandez’s irritating practice of ending every.single.phrase of his song with a grunt and a head toss would pale in comparison to David Cook’s stage antics.

Oh David.  He sports the hair of a Goo Goo Dolt and dresses in warped 90’s alterna-prepster attire. His friend in the audience was dressed to match; they’re probably members of some crazed Benny & Joon cult that goes to midnight singalongs every Friday.   Because he thinks he’s Joon (or Benny, whichever Johnny Depp was), David also tries to eye-fuck the camera like Constantpreen used to do.  Believe it or not, it is even creepier when this guy does it. And not only is he a mic stand carrier (my ultimate pet peeve), he actually waves the damn mic stand around in front of himself like he’s conductor of the Idiot Parade.

Next up was Jason Yeager.  There are so many places I could go with this Jesus-Krispie singing waiter, but instead I will simply leave you with his picture of his son, from which you can glean everything you would need to know about Jason.  Yes, a haircut like that is grounds for a CPS investigation.

This year’s “rocker” is Robbie Carrico.  You know he’s hard core, because he used to be in a teen-pop band that opened for Britney.  All rockers start their careers that way.  Please, Avril Lavigne is more authentic.

Next up was (as Seacrest lovingly calls him):  Little David Archuleta!!   I’m starting a drinking game - take a drink every time Semencrust calls LDA “little” or “cute” or “adorable” - because he is SO thrilled to finally have a guy on stage tinier than he is, and he is NOT going to let us forget it.   For 80’s week, someone has to do Winger’s “Seventeen” for Li’l David Archuleta.  They must.

And now - the year’s first Vote for the Worst contestant.  He’s nowhere near the worst, but he’s absolutely the sassiest.  He sang ”Jailhouse Rock” - most certainly inspired by many a late night watching “Oz” marathons on HBO.  

Danny is not about to hear it, Simon, so talk to the hand!

Luke Menard - there’s a reason they never showed him singing in the preliminary rounds.

Colton “Jazz Hands” Berry.  Sings the “Teletubbies” theme song when he’s nervous.  Maybe Jerry Falwell was right after all.

 I thought Dana Plato overdosed after she knocked off those liquor stores.

The remaining two - Jason Castro and Michael Johns - were very enjoyable.   You know how much I have to say about that.  

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